Bridget's Blog

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Today I Said Goodbye To A Man I Wish I Knew...

Today I said Goodbye to a man I wish I knew...

Today I attended a funeral mass for a local Realtor.  He happened to also be the dad of one of my daughter's classmates.  I only met him briefly at some school events but was saddened by the news of his death. 

I had read a news story a while back about him being involved in some less than legal activities.  I wondered then if the Real Estate market had pushed him to do things he may not have done otherwise.  I prayed for his family.  We got an email on Sunday saying that he had taken his own life after dealing with personal issues and depression.  I thought it would be a good idea to attend the mass, to allow my daughter to support her friend and classmate.

We walked into the church and I was surprised by the packed house.  This is no small feat, it is a huge church.  I later found out that this gentlemen had attended the school where our daughter's go now.  Most of the faculty and staff knew him, and were there in support of the family.  He had grown up in the area and had tons of friends, business associates and family. People came from all over to celebrate his life and grieve his passing.

Today I learned about a man known for saying "Ain't life grand?!"  By all accounts he was a trouble-maker in school and well beyond, but a well-loved one!  He supported friends and charity organizations. He coached little league lacrosse, and was adored by all of his charges. He was a hard-worker and a loving husband and father. One always knew where they stood with him.  Friends and family said he always ended phone calls with "I love you".

Unfortunately, he also struggled with addiction.

He leaves behind a loving wife and two daughters, only 6 and 7, who will be forever without their dad.  His mom and dad, and the rest of the family are grieving. His friends from far and wide are left to wonder what his future could have been.  They are all struggling with what they could have done to help, to change the outcome of the decision he made.

I have always thought of suicide as a selfish act.  I thought a lot about that today.  I am saddened that someone so obviously full of life, of promise, who was so obviously loved could have found the taking of his life the only answer.  He was a Christian.  He believed in God's love and forgiveness, he had been taught it his whole life.  He lived it, he shared it. Sadly, in the depths of his addiction, he couldn't feel that love, I pray that he feels it now.  I pray that his family, especially his wife and children can forgive him for making the choice he did. 

It is unfortunate that it is usually at funerals that you hear how someone touched your life.  I ask today, in this man's honor, that you don't wait.  Make a phone call, write a letter, a real letter (not an email), drop everything and tell someone, anyone, how they touched your life.  Make it a practice to do it daily, or at least weekly.  You never know if that will be the catalyst for a change in someone. 

If you are in the depths of despair and considering suicide, thinking that your loved ones lives will be easier without you in it, think again.  Your decision will cause a ripple effect across the Universe.  You are worthwhile and you are loved.  I pray that if you are reading this that you get help, reach out, please.  The struggles you face will not last.  The life you live affects more people than you know.  The choice you make will change them forever. Get help, please.

I didn't know this man well, and I am sad that I will never get the chance. God Speed.

Today I said goodbye to a man I wish I knew.

Warm Regards,

Bridget McGee  Maryland Mortgage Mama  NMLS# 196068  Corridor Mortgage Group.   410-960-2061 EHO   bmcgee@corridormtg.com or marylandmortgagemama@gmail.com

 

If you are considering purchasing a home in Maryland and want to be sure you are mortgage ready, my brother Tony and I will be happy to help! We help to make the mortgage process a pleasure! 

If you already own your home, we are happy to provide a no-cost mortgage review to help you to determine if refinancing may be in your best interest.  Please contact me at 410-960-2061.

Comment balloon 27 commentsBridget "Mortgage Mama" McGee • August 30 2011 08:26PM

Comments

Bridget....great suggestion to reach out to someone who's made a difference.  I'd put this in "Them, them" as well.  It's really unfortunate to see something like this go down.  I wonder how many people will heed your words and actually let someone important in their life know!

Posted by Larry Bettag, Vice-President of National Production (Cherry Creek Mortgage Illinois Residential Mortgage License LMB #0005759 Cherry Creek Mortgage NMLS #: 3001) almost 8 years ago

We just had similar situations with a very prominent Realtor and the Chief of Cardiolgy at a local hospital, both very prominent in our town.  Suicide is an amazingly tragic answer.  As long as they live, the people around them will wonder what they could have done to have prevented it.  It is a wound that never heals.

Posted by Mimi Foster, Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor (FALCON PROPERTY SOLUTIONS ) almost 8 years ago

Bridget, this is beautiful. When I heard of his death I was shocked. Obviously he was unaware of how many people cared for him and that is really sad.

Posted by Ellie McIntire, Luxury service in Howard County & Catonsville (Ellicott City Clarksville Howard County Maryland Real Estate) almost 8 years ago

How sad not to know what an impact he had on his community.  Suicide leaves so many unanswered questions and hopefully his family finds some solice knowing he is now at peace.

Posted by Pat Fenn (Marketing Specialist for CJ Realty Group/Cindy Jones Broker ) almost 8 years ago

This is so sad.  You never know the depths of despair that others are feeling.  I am sorry for his family's loss and so sorry that he felt that death was his only alternative, leaving behind so many to feel that they should have done more.  Very, very sad.

Posted by Susan Mangigian, Chester & Delaware County Homes, Delaware and Ches (RE/MAX Preferred, West Chester, PA, RS152252A) almost 8 years ago

I was so sad to hear of this tragic loss. Your tribute to his life was beautiful and hopefully may help others from going through this.

I need to make some calls because of your suggestion.....

'Make a phone call, write a letter, a real letter (not an email), drop everything and tell someone, anyone, how they touched your life.  Make it a practice to do it daily, or at least weekly.  You never know if that will be the catalyst for a change in someone. '

Margaret

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) almost 8 years ago

Bridget:  Your post carries several very strong messages.  None more strong that your plea at the end of it.  Today will be a day of reaching out ...

Gene

Posted by Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi, 708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience (NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656) almost 8 years ago

Wow.  Beautiful post...

Ken

Posted by Ken Tracy, Helping clients buy and sell since 2005 (Keller Williams Realty Infinity) almost 8 years ago

Very tragic.  It's amazing how much we learn about people at their funerals that we never knew before.  Makes us realize that we need to get to know those in our lives better.

 

Posted by Jenny Kotulak, Broker - Oakville Ontario Real Estate (RE/MAX Real Estate Centre Inc., Brokerage) almost 8 years ago

Bridget, Very sad story - in fact gave me tears. I think suicide is a mental accident - the person is at a very low point and even though it would have been a temporary low point when they act on it - well - it's too late - there's no coming back.  I can relate to despair - lol, I m not in a rut - it's a freakin hole - and well, suicide is not an option - I have two beautiful grandchildren and I have so much in common with them even though they are only one and three that I will just keep on - eventually something good is going to happen. You make very good points here - we should reach out to others and show them that we care and not be so self centered. Thank you.. Condolences to the family...

Posted by Marilyn Harrell, Wixom Lake - Beaverton MI (ReMax Riverhaven) almost 8 years ago

Bridget, great inspirational words and encouragement for all of us to touch others with being positive and with our love. Our life can be a blend, and with stress of our doing or not of our doing, who knows when any of us can reach a breaking point? Suicide seems to come out of so much despair and where a person cannot find an answer anymore.

Posted by Gary Woltal, Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth (Keller Williams Realty) almost 8 years ago
Bridget - it's a sad occasion and that for sharing your thoughts.
Posted by Mike Yeo (3:16 team REALTY) almost 8 years ago

Hi Bridget. Suicide (and really any death) is a difficult thing for all involved. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the inspiration to let others know we care.
Bruce

 

Posted by Bruce Kunz, REALTOR®, Brick & Howell NJ Homes for Sale (C21 Solid Gold Realty, Brick, NJ, 732-920-2100) almost 8 years ago

I went to a funeral today, too, Bridget.  It was for an 86 yr old woman who was described as 'strong.  caring.  a survivor.  generous.  etc.'  Your post hits home 'cause my thoughts were already thinking about close friends and family and the effect we have on one-another.

Addiction is just an awful, awful struggle for everyone involved. 

Thanks for opening up to all of us.  Your words have made an impression.

BTW - I'm awfully glad that I got to meet both you and your daughter. 

Posted by Christine Hooks, Celebrating 25 Years in Real Estate! (Pino Agency) almost 8 years ago

Larry, Based on your writing, I just know that you let your loved ones know they are loved all the time!

Mimi and Ellie,  Unfortunately in the depths of despair and the grip of addiction, they can't feel the love of God or of others, no matter how hard they try! It is sad.

Pat, You are so right.

Susan, Hopefully the family can be consoled in the knowledge that they did do all they could and his decision was his alone.  It is incredibly sad.

Margaret,  I hope you are on the recieving end of some of those calls!  You have impacted so many in such positive ways...for me, THANK YOU!

Gene,  May you get as much love as you give...reach on!

Ken, Thank you, it seems to have hit a chord. 

Jenny, I think we shouldn't wait until the funeral, we should celebrate our love often and much!

Marilyn,  There are lots of folks in your position.  I am glad that you have such a wonderful reason to hang in there.  Enjoy them every day and know that you are loved.

Gary, Problems are temporary, suicide is permanant.  Hopefully someone can be helped by this family's tragedy.

Mike, The impact on me was much stronger than I had ever considered, especially considering that I only knew him in passing.  It is sad when people feel there is no other way out.

Bruce, I would love to hear about what you and others do with it.

 

Posted by Bridget "Mortgage Mama" McGee, Maryland Mortgage Mama NMLS#196068 (SWBC Mortgage 410-960-2061) almost 8 years ago

Bridget .... thank you for sharing this beautifully written post. I am glad it is featured. Hopefully it will be read completely by all of the Active Rain members.

"To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream." Sylvia Plath

Unfortunately, those inside the Bell Jar often can not be reached. Words are spoken but fall soundlessly in dead air.  They may be heard, but the disconnect is so great, they are but one more dull noise surrounded a brain numb to all sensory input. There is a darkness that is experienced in the brightest sunshine. There are unseen dangers in the depth of the night. 

Depression is not a feeling. It is the absence of feeling at all. The act of taking one's life may feel as meaningless as scratching a sudden itch on the nose.  It is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No, it just occurs as an outgrowth of the convergance of opportunity, means and timing.

It is good to love and support those that are left behind. If the victim of the darkness fails to escape the spiraling downward and falls prey to the convergance of opportunity, means and timing, pray for them. They truly are a part of the group Jesus spoke of when he mentioned "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."

Posted by John MacArthur, Licensed Maryland/DC Realtor, Metro DC Homes (Century 21 Redwood) almost 8 years ago

John, Your words show so meaningfully a depth of understanding and empathy.  "Words are spoken but fall soundlessly in dead air"  Ahhh, so true.  How many of us have brushed off compliments from others or beat ourselves up in a way that we would never allow a friend or even an enemy to be treated. 

First we must love ourselves in the beauty that He has created. Your insight is appreciated and I hope that folks who are kind enough to read my words, will be sure to read yours as well.  

Many blessings on your upcoming nuptials!!

Posted by Bridget "Mortgage Mama" McGee, Maryland Mortgage Mama NMLS#196068 (SWBC Mortgage 410-960-2061) almost 8 years ago

That was inspirational. A lot of times we get lost in the bad, the drama or anything else. I feel for the family he left behind, and hope the best for them. About to go write that letter and make a few calls. Thank you!

Posted by Ben Blonder, Buyers, Sellers, Investors! (Broker/Owner, Keller Williams) almost 8 years ago

Bridget:

I am going to take your suggest and try and implement it.  This is a truly touching story and if what you suggest would help anyone suffering from depression it is worth trying.  I agree with you that people who take their lives are being selfish.  Then again, maybe they are not thinking clearly.  Depression must affect one's thinking.

Posted by Evelyn Kennedy, Alameda, Real Estate, Alameda, CA (Alain Pinel Realtors) almost 8 years ago

Bridget -- That is hearbreaking.  I hear more and more of people resorting to ending their life as a solution to their problems when it only presents lifelong problems to the survivors.  You're right. For anyone experiencing such strong feelings of despair, there is help.  Get it!

Posted by Barbara Altieri, REALTOR-Fairfield County CT Homes/Condos For Sale (RealtyQuest/Kinard Realty Group, Fairfield and New Haven County CT Real Estate) almost 8 years ago

Ben, I am honored that you were inspired by this post.  I hope we can all take the time to connect on a deeper level.

Evelyn, I am not sure that someone suffering from true depression or caught in the hold of addiction can possibly be thinking clearly.  I think any time we connect on a deep, personal level with others we are all better for it.  I would love to hear about your experiences!

Erica,  That my friend is an understatement.  We all wear masks, some to protect ourselves and some to protect others.

Barbara, It is heartbreaking, for the children especially. I hope that someone will be helped by this tragedy.   

Posted by Bridget "Mortgage Mama" McGee, Maryland Mortgage Mama NMLS#196068 (SWBC Mortgage 410-960-2061) almost 8 years ago

Very sad to hear about this. . . .I'm going to a funeral this evening to celebrate a wasted life.

At least he did not have kids and a wife. .he was just 22 years old.

But he had a mother that anxiously is waiting for his son's return in small box containing his ashes.

You see, this little guy came to the USA in hopes to finding his calling. . he was very smart and at one time he consider working for me doing Internet stuff in a part time basis. . but he was lured to Tampa Florida away from our area with a promise of an opportunity for a better job. .We did not hear from him until two months later. .they found him death under a bridge in Pensacola Florida . . 

I hurt because his mother is hysterical in Bolivia South America. . losing a son and she's unable to understand what happened to her little boy? 

In this case. .I knew the victim, his dreams, his brightness and ultimately..his demise.

22 years old .. that is just too young.. . 

Posted by Fernando Herboso - Broker for Maxus Realty Group, 301-246-0001 Serving Maryland, DC and Northern VA (Maxus Realty Group - Broker 301-246-0001) almost 8 years ago
Thank you for sharing this. Perhaps out of this trajedy others will take a moment to touch base with people we know that might be struggling during these difficult times. Perhaps we will take a moment to smile at a stranger, give to a homeless person or do a small act of kindness for no reason. Call your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you.
Posted by Evelyn Santiago, Managing Broker Heart Realty Group, Inc., Passionate About Real Estate & Our Clients! (Heart Realty Group, Inc..) almost 8 years ago

Very touching. In the past couple of years our area has had at least 2 Realtors choose the same outcome. One was a vibrant, brilliant woman with 2 young sons. Her husband said she "couldn't bear to disappoint anyone". Please remember to be kind to each other in your business dealings. Don't be that last shove.

Posted by Pat, Ben and Martin Mullikin (M3 Realty) almost 8 years ago

This is a touching testimonial for someone you didn't know.  Funerals are so tough, under any circumstances.  I remember thinking, as a small child, when relatives and friends came from thousands of miles away to pay respect to my grandfather:  Where were you when he was alive?  Your message is so "on point" - don't wait to tell someone you care about them.

Posted by Margaret Woda, Maryland Real Estate & Military Relocation (Long & Foster Real Estate, Inc.) almost 8 years ago

Fernando, 22 is much too young.  I will say a prayer for his family.

Evelyn, It is sad to have to share, but hopefully some good will come of this tragedy.

Mullikin Family..."Don't be that last shove"...what great advice, we should all be kind to each other and shouldn't be the first shove!

Margaret, People do seem to "show up" at funerals to pay their respects. I have always felt we should pay our respects to the living! 

 

Posted by Bridget "Mortgage Mama" McGee, Maryland Mortgage Mama NMLS#196068 (SWBC Mortgage 410-960-2061) almost 8 years ago

Bridget--Thank you for sharing your compassion with all of us here at ActiveRain.  I saw Ken's rebog and just had to stop over to give you a virtual hug.

As the saying goes, "I have been there" in your daughter's shoes.  My grandfather commited suicide on Father's Day when I was 13.   For years and years it was hard to celebrate Father's Day w/o remembering 'Gramp.' 

Hug your daughter and her young friends.  I care.

Posted by Mary Yonkers, Erie/PA Real Estate Instructor (Alan Kells School of Real Estate/Howard Hanna Real Estate) almost 8 years ago

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